I'm not really sure actually. until I fell in love with a boy (which was just a few weeks ago) I thought my attraction to men was purely physical.
so you were gay...and then you realized you were EVEN MORE gay
i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
Randomize
