Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
Randomize
