So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
did i walk over a car last night?
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
Randomize
