her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
Randomize
