He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
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