Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
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