How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
Randomize
