Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
Randomize