I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
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