What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
Who did Billy Mays play for?
As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
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