I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
Randomize
