Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
Randomize
