I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
Video on mandys page of you drinking upside down was finally put up...too bad all the comments were about me and him fighting in the background while he screamed "BLOW BIG BETSY!'
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
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