Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
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