how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
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