i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
Randomize
