I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
Randomize
