I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
Randomize
