he puts the penis in happiness.
i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
Randomize
