Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
Randomize
