Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
Randomize
