so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
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