Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
ok this is the part where i go up stairs and pass out incoherently untill 6 30 tommaorw morning and not rember any of this. love youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!
on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
Randomize
