Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
Randomize
