I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
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