it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
My liver just had a heart attack.
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
Randomize
