okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
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Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
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The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
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