We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
please visit steve this weekend, he is getting mature and responsible and shit which scares me.
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
Randomize
