...so i touched it.
I thought you said his peep was too small
it is but i have no money and nothing is on tv until 7 when americas next top model comes on.
My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
Randomize
