I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
Randomize
