I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
He had to pee in the sink beside my head because the girl that I was taking care of was passed out on the toilet. To answer your question: yes i took a peek. Thats why we hooked up later.
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
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