Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
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