I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
Randomize
