i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
I FOUND THE LEGS
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
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