I am good. I dancing. Drinking but dancing fine.
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
Randomize
