my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
Randomize
