Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
im having a threesome with these popsicles
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
Randomize
