Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
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