Are we in a gay sports bar?
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
Randomize
