I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
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