My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
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