I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
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You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
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I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
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