So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
Randomize
