he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Randomize
