apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
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