If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
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