Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
Randomize
