Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
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