and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
Randomize
