So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
Randomize
