Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
maybe all of them together would equal one normal sized dick.
waiting in line for my ID. the kid in front of me reaks of hopes and dreams and hornyness-- freshmen by calvin klein
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
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