If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
Randomize
