I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
I'm like, not good at living.
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
Randomize
