Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
Randomize
