OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.
Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
There's a group of australian girls next to me. can't take them seriously. think they are going to turn into mr g
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
Randomize
