I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
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