Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
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