Have fun with your cool freestyling girlfriend!
She can rap better than you any day
i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
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