I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
Braces and a neon one piece. She looks 15.
i'm in love
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
Randomize
