i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
Randomize
