I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
Randomize
