return my video game
If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
Randomize
