Hey I don't know if you will get this but all I know is you are so beautiful to .ee and? I dare anyone to stop me me from caring for you ante so beautiful so I kid you not gorgeous iyoiu are so beautiful to me i dare som.eone too stioo you
And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
Even my vagina gasped.
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
Randomize
