I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
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