One girl and one boy is just not enough.
No, computers are like whores. moody bitches that cost too much and no matter how much protection you have you can still get a virus
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
Randomize
