I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
Randomize
