Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
Randomize
