I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
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