Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
Bro I rebuilt the dungeon in animal crossing visit me
Broooo
Randomize
