I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
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