yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
Randomize
