I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
Randomize
