He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Randomize
