my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
Randomize
