Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
Randomize
