people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
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I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
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We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
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